The Best Light Bulb Jokes Ever

c'mon... laugh a while

If laughter is the 'best medicine,' then it could be a part of the global anxiety today is a lack of laughter. Jokes don't have to be mean or crude. Neither do they have to be 'politically correct.'

Jokes can point out a little bit of truth that makes us chuckle. And the best joke of all is the one that hits a little close to home.

After all, those who can't laugh at themselves think they're above reproach. None of us has it all together, though. Face it. Deal with it. Have fun.

The aim here isn't to hurt someone's feelings here... but to explore the genre known as "Light bulb jokes" and get a little break from the heaviness of it all.

C'mon... join me.

I'll laugh at me, if you'll laugh at you... even just a little.

The Best Light Bulb Jokes EVER

How many fisherman does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Three. It was the biggest light bulb we've ever seen. You should've seen it. The damned thing was 'this big,' if it was an inch. Must've weighed 90 pounds!

How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Whaddaya, writing a book or something? Leave that part out.

How many union members does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 12. Did you say 12? "Hey, it's in the contract!"

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None, if the government would stop screwing with it, the bulb would change itself!

How many power company workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None, we're not changing any light bulbs until further notice.

How many creative geniuses does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Does it really have to be a light bulb?

How many shade tree mechanics does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Two: one to keep trying bulbs from the box until the right one is found, and the other to go get the fixture the first one broke in the process.

How many database engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. Light bulbs are hardware issues.

How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Just one, but it's going to take ten years.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

> One. She holds the light bulb, and the world revolves around her.

How many Irish Setters does it take to change a lightbulb?

> What? The swimming hole is just up the road, and you want to change a light bulb?

How many cats does it take to change a lightbulb?

> What? Cats don't change light bulbs! The important question is when are you going to get me some light here?

How many puppies does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. I can pee on your carpet just fine in the dark.

How many short people does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Just one. We said 'short,' not stupid.

Q. How did the wanna be hippy burn his hand?

A. By changing the lightbulb before it was cool enough.

How many Grateful Dead does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. They just let it burn out, then follow it everywhere for decades.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. They wait until the bulb turns itself in.

How many environmentalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to figure out how to dispose of it.

How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Change?

How many sorority members does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Five. One to change the bulb and four to design the tee shirts.

How many Boomers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Three. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how much better the old one was.

How many presidential staffers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. Their job is to keep the president in the dark.

How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Just one... but he'd rather watch you change it.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Just one... but it takes eleven visits.

How many politically correct does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. It's horrible to push your views on a light bulb. What if the bulb doesn't want to work. Why are you faulting the bulb for that, you bigot!

How many green advocates does it take to change a lightbulb?

> 100. One to change the bulb and 99 to protest at the power plant.

How many 'modern men' does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the baby.

How many 'real men' does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Real men aren't afraid of the dark.

A: One

Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

> 55. One to change the bulb, and the others to debate the question of which way the bulb really should turn.

How many smartasses does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Change it to what?

How many pains in the asses does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Is it too late to make that a different color?

How many restaurant workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Three. Two to gripe about you mentioning it, and one to go get the manager.

How many firefighters does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Three. One to change the bulb and two to cut through the roof.

How many pawnbrokers does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Light bulbs hold no interest for a pawnbroker.

How many realists does it take to change a lightbulb?

> You can't CHANGE a light bulb.

How many federal employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Two. One to screw it in, and one to screw it up.

How many beauracrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

> 1,000. The first 199 write the regulations. The other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Two. One to change it. The other to change it back again.

How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?

> None. They only need to promise the bulb will change.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

> Four: One to hold the fish, one to ride the giraffe, and two others to paint the room pink.

Will We Someday Not Need to Worry About Changing Light Bulbs?

Okay... we hope you enjoyed those. Got more to add? Let us know!

On a serious note, how about these new bulbs that promise to last for 10 or 20 years? Have you ever pulled more than six months from one of those things?

Gimme a break!

Here's an excerpt from article by a lighting industry direct seller:

"Switching to CFL bulbs has several benefits. Although they are as bright as incandescent bulbs, they last approximately 10 times longer, and they also consume 75 percent less energy. People who use these bulbs as replacements will notice a reduction in their energy costs, as well. Replacing five bulbs with Energy Star labeled bulbs can reduce one's yearly energy costs by $70 dollars. This would also reduce U.S. energy costs by $8 billion and prevent greenhouse gas emissions that amount to removing the emissions of 10 million cars."

That sounds so good... but is it true?

Not for me, so far. I'm still getting my bulbs at a big box store, though. Maybe going direct to an electric wholesaler or direct to consumer seller is the way?

I like light bulb jokes a whole lot better than going through light bulbs like candy.

(Rant over)

Don't you?
 

The author lives in the great Pacific Northwest and hasn't been laughing much lately. Join him on Twitter @boomalive.
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